Finally went to the pros

Okay, so I know most moms get professional photos made like every three months! I guess that makes me a procrastinator because my son is 9 months old and we just went to the pros. It was totally worth the money. He is so precious!

My big boy is almost walking with "no hands"

Blake is very quickly learning to get around. He is a typical boy in that he is overly confident on his abilities and will pull up on things and then just let go as if he already knows how to walk. Then, of course, he tumbles down. Usually, he catches himself and lands softly but occassionally, he gets a bump to the head. Such a big boy.

slowly adjusting

Well it is now my third week of school and I am just now starting to feel more comfortable in my roll as mom, wife, teacher and yes, sometimes finding time for myself. Finally my students appear to be "getting it," well with the exception of a few which is normal. The past two days are the first days since school started that I haven't wanted to quit my job and find something else. My mind is still open to a job that is more flexible and that doesn't require me to bring homework home every night, and oh yeah, one where I'm appreciated and respected instead of treated like a peon with no rights. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching but teaching isn't just teaching anymore. It's like having 3 or more jobs and being paid for one. Enough complaining. The important thing is that I'm adjusting and that things will be okay for now.

Okay, so my son is growing up way too fast and I wish I could post pictures and video but I don't have a great connection. Boo! Anyway, he's pulling up all the time, testing his balance and ready to move. He walks unassited holding on to his little push toy and smiles from ear to ear as he independently zooms around the room. He's found Lexi's water bowl and has poured it all over himself. We have now moved the bowls. Poor Lexi is exhausted from running from the holy terror that is her baby brother! He goes after her and pulls her hair every chance he gets. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and it just sort of puts the rest of my worries in life in perspective!

Torn

I now understand what mothers mean when they say they feel "guilty" and "torn" when they return to work after having a child. Strangely enough, I didn't feel this guilt last March when I first went back to work but I suppose that may be because he was still a tiny baby who slept most of the time and I felt like I wasn't missing as much. Now he moves all over the place, he's starting early stages of walking, and he is affectionate and oh so much fun. I feel like I am missing SO MUCH! Then I have the guilty feeling that I cannot completely devote myself to my work anymore, nor can I complete devote myself to Blake. I am so ambivalent in that I want to stay home with Blake AND I want to work and enjoy my work most of the time. That's where the TORN part comes in. He is absolutely fine and resilient and appears to enjoy the days he spends with Memaw and Papaw and also Ms. Julia. He's very happy and probably doesn't miss me as I miss him but there's still that feeling that I don't have enough time with him. He spends 50+ hours a week with someone other than me. Boo. That sucks. If I could only win the lottery, I could stay home but also have enough money to stay busy so I wouldn't get bored and depressed from being stuck in the house. Anyway, I am done rambling. Just needed to vent.